Incommunicado

I find myself musing on the nature of communication. Not too many years ago mobile phones were unusual and the internet was unheard of, and people coped. Talked to each other, made plans, talked on the phone, wrote letters. Maybe I'll start writing letters, I've brought stamps and envelopes so that I can. Maybe I'll just post people drawings. I am someone who reluctantly keeps their phone on 24/7, have done for years, but if I'm out of town for a weekend or just a few days holiday I'll normally turn it off while I'm away. It's like I'm making a point of separating that trip from my day-to-day stresses. Out here with my normal mobile, I don't get mobile signal and I didn't expect to. Internet makes life a lot easier, slow as it is.

This past week my phone is living in “airplane* mode” and serving as no more than an alarm clock. A few nights ago before I went back to town and then returned here I switched it back on to the world and found a magical bubble of phone signal. In come two texts. Yes, I think, I can send an unexpected goodnight text, maybe make contact, and then it's gone. That tiny hint of connection and I find I don't know what to say to who. All at once I want to tell one person that I love them and miss them, another that I am here and safe and not to worry, I want to check others are ok, and I want to wish someone good luck. Then I think about it and I'm not sure any more. Will it break my little isolation bubble? Will telling someone I'm far from that I miss them just make it worse, and worse for both of us? Sucky suck. It may be time to plan phonecall times and cycle down to the village to use the phonebox. It may also just be time to actively remove myself from “the loop” and see how well I survive without it.

Then I go and change it all by getting hold of a mobile with the one network that covers this area. Magically I'm contactable again. It has its uses. The people who are looking after me can be in touch easier. People who need to can tell me things. However I still want to be somewhat coy about how many people have access to the number. Like a clean break. Does this make me a terrible person for almost wanting to exclude people I would happily count as friends? Is it for my own sanity or my own selfishness? Time to do some praying.

*That's American English for you. In this country we can deal with sensible words like aeroplane.