How I Survive Christmas Parties

Only Just, is the answer you're looking for.

This week there are many parties, and everything is awesome.

"figs, and jigs and twigs, is awesome". Amen, Lego, amen. 

Four Christmas parties down, two more to go. Eek.

But I can do them. I am even learning how to properly enjoy them. This may be a sign that I am getting Old and Boring. Or perhaps just that I am starting to learn the tricks.

Have you ever done one of those painful work-based team-building things where you all answer a bunch of questions, each define yourself as a very particular (yet instantly forgettable) 4-letter combination that is meant to explain all of the problems in your office?

Myers-Briggs or something it's called.

Here's an internet version. Do it. You might even learn something about yourself. You're more likely to learn something about the inadequacies of trivial online personality tests, but heck - it might be fun. Either way, there's a comments box down there somewhere waiting to know what you are.

L says she used to be INTP, but then she met me. I'm not sure if these are connected.

My problem is this. I want to be all of the things, all of the time. Even the totally contradictory ones.
I am all sixteen personalities, and at least thirteen of them are more or less CHB*. I might even BE some of those contradictory things. It's the Intovert/Extrovert dichotomy which plays on my mind the most.

Sometimes I want nothing more than to turn my phone off, not answer the door and stay home eating cake by the pint, whilst wearing a huge grey gents hoodie that smells a bit funny but I can't bear to wash because it is new and will never be as fluffy ever again.

Then sometimes I want to be the one holding court, at the centre of attention, wearing too much leather and bossing people around.

I am, honestly and simultaneously, both of these people. I'm not a bit of one and a bit of the other, I'd damned well both of them. I want to be big and brave, and to be doing awesome stuff and talking to awesome people **, yet I'm also really quite scared of talking to people.

Tangent, L is now INFP, which I take to mean that she's getting soft in her old age (Happy Birthday!).

Christmas Parties, Kid.

Yes, those. So here we have my tips for surviving the inevitable season of enforced social enjoyment.

Hide for a bit

By not seeing too many people for a bit before a big thing. Our Saturday was chock-full of people-seeing activites. Three Christmas parties back-to-back, like that episode of the Vicar of Dibley. So Friday night was deliberately spent not-going out.

Take a Thing

It's never good to be empty-handed. That Friday night was spent in the house, making gingerbread. This is me spraying them gold, just because.

But what that meant was that we could show up to each of these things, and immediately have a) something to say "hello, I made you a thing", and b) be reminded that I'm capable of stuff, which makes me feel good about being me, and therefore makes me better company. Also, everyone gets biscuits.

I'm gonna let you in to a secret here. When bringing food, bring tiny food. Parties are full of nibbly food and people worried about eating too much. So they don't eat the things which look too big and rich. They eat the tiny things that look light and not massively filling. So the tiniest things get eaten the most, and the person who made the tiny things doesn't wind up worrying that the thing they made might be horrible. Also, tiny food is cute, fact.

Wear Something Strange

Instant talking point. Odd socks, wacky jumper, dinosaur t-shirt. It's all a way of saying, "Hey I'm chilled and approachable, and here is an instantly easy thing you can talk to me about". Even better, go for the in-joke t-shirt. Where anyone who will get it will a) want to talk to you about it, and b) be someone you will want to talk to. I have a t-shirt with these dinosaurs on which serves this exact purpose.

Anyone?

Be all the "E" variants of your "personality-type"

I know outgoing-gregarious-me can exist. I know she is finite and a bit unpredictable, but if there's ever a time to get her out of her box, then this is it. So I take a deep breath and enjoy being letting "E" me be a little stronger than "I" me, just for a while.

Know exactly how much is a good amount to drink.

Controversial one here. Here is a graph that might help me explain myself. I'm not a big drinker, but alcohol does away with inhibitions, so...
A secondary point here being that deciding to do away with your inhibitions has a similar result, but is much much harder.

Draw your own, they'd all be different. 

Just Talk Nonsense

If they're your friends, they already know that you talk crap, and still like you. If they're the old ladies at Church they're probably deaf and just nodding for the sake of politeness. Even if they can hear you, they're pleased to have you because you're not yet of a pensionable age. If they're Scottish Country Dancers you have an awesome thing in common which you can talk about 'til kingdom come. If they're your Girlfriend's colleagues (ahem, Big Boss) then you'll rarely meet them again, and they'll just think that your Other Half has dubious taste. Everybody wins. If in doubt, have a terrible joke up your sleeve.

Here's one to leave you with:

What do you call a Baguette when it's stuck up your bottom? A Pain in the Arse!

Happy Christmas Partying one and all. And remember, have fun, cos no-one cares! 

*Cold Heartless Bitch. I keep thinking that I might use this blog to explain all of the ways that I am a CHB, but then you'd all stop being my friends, and I am a calculating cold heartless Bitch, so that's not happening.

** because EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!