Growing a Rowan Tree: Christmas Lists

Bah Humbug... mmm, humbugs?

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is 29 days till Christmas. HA!

That joyful season of goodwill and generosity and over-indulgence. And really bad music.

Our advent calendar is up. It has sweeties in, carefully sorted so that each pocket contains either (a) one sweet that I like and one sweet that L likes, or (b) 2 éclairs. If you come round on an éclair day, you can have mine. It is however facing the wall, and will remain so till Monday. Our Christmas tree is still in the cupboard, but soon enough we'll dig it out and hang it up. This year we have a cheese plant to decorate.

I'm neither here nor there on the whole thing. It's like Christmas has become a million things all in one. I'm torn between "Yay, Jesus" and "Boo, plastic consumerism". I'm torn between "Yay, time off work to visit everyone" and "Boo, awkward conversations with distant relatives". Lebkuchen vs turkey sandwiches, stress vs fun, that kind of thing. I think in the end I come out as a Christmas person, but only just, and even then mostly for the lebkuchen.

Drool. I actually once turned down a job offer and a move to the other end of the country because of Lebkuchen. For real. Ask me about it some time.

Also an annual chance to buy stuff for the people you like and/or are related to. Fortunately, I really like giving presents. And I've never been minted, so you all get smallish things that I've bought in places like TKMaxx or charity shops. One year I did most of my Christmas shopping in one afternoon in September when I went in to TKMaxx and bought seven pairs of the same pyjamas. I didn't manage that this year. Besides, I'm still wearing those jammies (yes, I bought some for me too) so I guess they don't need replacing yet.

This year, I am worried about Stuff. Like the actual quantity and bulk of physical objects that come in to our possession in the month of December each year. When our houses don't get any bigger, and we don't get any better at tidying stuff up. It's not like someone gives me a gift and I go straight home and find something to throw away. I don't think anyone else does either. We just buy stuff, give it away; get given stuff and keep it. People buy us things they think we'll like, so there's a fair chance we will like those things and want to keep them. It's entirely reasonable but pretty much amounts to a net increase of physical objects in our homes. So I have an idea. And it goes like this...

Drumroll...

Tiny Christmas!

(Thank you)

Basic Premise = You all get gifts which are small enough to go in your pocket. I'm a genius.

If you are a person to whom (L corrected my grammar, so if this sentence is wrong, blame her) I give Christmas presents, you will be getting a voucher or a giftcard or a membership to something or a groupon or a subscription to something. Perhaps jewellery, but only if the box is really small. You know, something that comes in an envelope on a scrap of paper or one of those plastic pseudo-credit card things. The magical gift of not-quite money, because let's face it, you all have enough stuff. I may stretch as far as medium-sized things but only if they are consumable and not hideously over packaged.

Small, consumable, and packaged in recyclable stuff. In every possible way the only present you ever need buy me.

And everyone else can get drawings of stickmen.

They will be drawn on real paper, without lines on. I will take a bit more time than this to do them. Just get your request in soon.

So. Bring on the social awkwardness. If you are a person (like, you know, my pesky younger sibling) who would normally get stuff from me, now is the time to start saying things like, "Oh, if only I had an Amazon voucher right now, my life would be so much more fulfilling" or "I really like such-and-such magazine (keep it clean now), but I can't afford to buy it every month". Just slip it in to conversation some time soon. No need to be subtle. Actually please don't be subtle, I won't notice. Be blunt. Like really shockingly blunt. Please.

If you're thinking, "Oh dear this is awkward. I don't know if I'm one of those people or not" then well, I probably don't know either. It's just awkward. Sorry. Maybe be really subtle about your hints?

And if you would like a drawing of a stick person, please request one. You can have one. I'm nice and generous like that. Stick people for everyone! I've just refilled the ink in my good pen and I still have a half a notepad of decent quality paper, so we're good for quite a few of these little critters.