The Mango Chutney Fairy

... and how you can welcome her* in to your life. 

I have a Mango Chutney Fairy, Everybody!

I have never personally met my Mango Chutney Fairy. I do not even know if she has a name. I think Mango Chutney Fairies are existentially similar to Tooth Fairies and Father Christmas, in the that it helps to believe in them for the magic to happen, but they do require a degree of assistance from the people around you who love you. Mine seems to get on quite will with L, the aforementioned other half.

Almost exactly 5 years ago, probably having bemoaned my lack of Mango Chutney, or disposable income with with to purchase such frivolous condiments, some Mango Chutney appeared in my flat as a birthday present. Just appeared. I think I came home one day and there was a card and a jar of chutney on my bed.

This stuff. Classic, but there was better yet to come.

Either the year after that or the one after that (eloquent as ever, kid) I made similar "wouldn't it be nice if the Mango Chutney Fairy came for my Birthday" noises again, and this time my present from the lovely L was a huge jar of home-made stuff. Very very good at that. It took me the full year to get through it, whereupon... birthday! If the only birthday present I ever get again is mango chutney I will not be disappointed.

I have quite recently had yet another birthday. I made two requests because I am cheeky like that. One being that the Mango Chutney Fairy would pay me another visit.

The other request was for a crochet dinosaur.** 

If you are ever feeling blue, try a google image search for "crochet dinosaur".

So I asked for some chutney, and chutney was made. I am a lucky bunny. The huge jar is for me because I am greedy, and the normal size one may be for giving away. The mango is pictured for reference and all the pretentious terracotta isn't mine.

Sounds sticky!

Now it has to stay in the jar and not be eaten till May. That's forever! So I have chutney, and I like chutney, so I got excited about it. All over Facebook. So now I want to make a batch of the stuff, in smaller jars, so I can give some of it away. Poor L thought this idea was cute, but thought it was a bit much of me to ask this of the Mango Chutney Fairy, as L has to help out a lot with the heavy bits. So....

...Drumroll...

I am learning the Secrets of the Mango Chutney Fairy

And I will share them with you. 

#1

You go (or send someone) to buy 6-8 mangoes. They're currently about £1.20 for two in Aldi. Tighten your belt and think of it as an investment. Mango trees are huge and grow in warm places unfortunately. Tangent Alert. Perhaps in the future I'll learn to make Chutney from plums or apples or onions or something I can feasibly grow in this northern corner of the world.

Or build a giant greenhouse in the shared back garden.

This all ties up with my hippy future plans to run a campsite and make enough money from campsite/hostel/cafe/shop/folk music to stay alive. But has precious little to do with Mangoes or Fairies. End Tangent.

#2

Chop up your mangoes and put them in a bowl with lots of sugar for a day or so. This stage is currently happening in our fridge.

#3

From here on in I'm hazy on the details, having not yet been shown The Ways. From what I gather there is a quantity of vinegar, bashing up spices and boiling with more sugar till the house smells funny and you can't quite breathe. I shall perhaps report back. In the meantime, you're already on the internet.

#4

Heat up your jars in the oven to sterilise. Add boiling sugar/proto-chutney to jars, and get the lid on while they're hot to seal the button on the lid down.

#5

Soak the burnt sugar off the pan.

#6

Wait at least 6 weeks*** for the chutney to mature. Ok, a month will do, I guess?

#7

Keep some for you and give the rest away.


So there you have it, boys and girls, a whole post about Chutney.



*L says that our Mango Chutney Fairy is girl. I would personally take a feminist stance on this one and postulate that gender has no bearing on a Fairy's ability to provide tasty mango-y sugar-gloop.
**Check this out. Please.
***Steps #5 and #6 take about the same length of time.