Seriously, which way is up?

Question time for you all. Why does everyone seem to think that eggs have a right way up? 

Happy Easter Everybody! I like Easter. It has a good mix of (1) Yay Jesus, (2) holidays (at least for some of you), (3) chocolate, and (4) a refreshing lack of obligation to come up with cards and presents for everyone you know.

I am currently sitting on my bedroom floor eating a Creme Egg, despite my tea being nearly ready, because I am a grown up and I get to choose.

All of the evidence I can find seems to point to the popular notion that "pointy-end-up" is the right way up. Chocolate eggs, Easter cards, even the barcode on my Cadbury Creme Monstrosity is all geared towards the eggspectation that eggs should be orientated in one specific way.

Question everything, peeps. Why? 

Eggs in real life don't do that. Chickens don't wiggle them around in the coop till they're pointy-end up. If I were a chicken (or indeed any other nesting bird, let's not discriminate here), I would be going out of my to keep the pointiest end pointing somewhere other than at me. Put an egg down on a flat surface and you'd be very lucky to balance it the right way up, even boiling they'll wind up on their side. I just google image-searched that to make sure. Man am I hungry now.

This epiphany came to me the other day, whilst eating a Creme Egg, the victorious spoils of a very cute Easter morning in which L hid tiny plastic eggs (containing sugary goodies) all around my stuff. Further complicated by us being in a shared dorm in a youth hostel at the time. Everyone has their own way of eating one. Me, I prefer the spoon approach, but bloody Cadbury are making that increasingly difficult with their ever-shrinking eggies. With no spoon close to hand I resorted to my normal plan B, which involves biting off the smallest amount of the top and removing the insides with a fair degree of precision. TMI? sorry.

Lots and lots of these. In my shoes, in my wash-bag, in my Grannie's old knitting bag. Everywhere! Most are now sadly empty. 

So there I am, about to bite the "top" off a Creme Egg. Boom, it comes to me. How do I know that this is the top? I could bite off the other end (spoiler, I did), but would I still think of it as the bottom? Yes, I sat there, on Easter Sunday, quite early in the morning, trying to work out if it was inappropriate to bite the arse off an egg. I hope the rest of you were doing something more noble like curing cancer or feeding the poor because Jesus did not die and rise again for that.

So here's the deal. We've all got it wrong, you guys. I've done the research on this. 

There are even threads like this about which way up to incubate your eggs, and it's not pointy-end-up.

I even googled this:

Go on, educate yourselves

They don't even start off egg-shaped! Everything we know is wrong.

Blunt end first. Which at best is diagonally if my grasp of avian anatomy is anything to go by.

So the only way in that pointy-end-up might conceivably be "the right way up" would be if the poor hen layed it very very precisely straight down on to the egg cup. And chickens don't do that. If that summer in Nethy Bridge taught me anything, it's that chickens are only outwardly stupid. It's an image they've been carefully cultivating for years. Really, they're sharp, speedy, vindictive creatures that will do most things to thwart you in your plan to steal their tasty potential babies. And whichever way they come out, eggs don't stay pointy-end-up for long. They wind up sideways and normally hidden in the deepest, darkest, poopiest corner of the chicken run. Or in the compost heap, or under your car. But sideways. Cos of gravity, and a clever evolutionary accident or design that stops your proto-chickens rolling way before you've counted them before they've hatched.

I'll try and be sensible next week.